top of page

85. Red Herring


One definition of red herring is “attempting to redirect the argument  to another issue to which the person doing the redirecting can better respond.”  This appears to be the Trump Administration’s spec-i-ality…


With regard to the allegation that Trump released highly classified information relating to an Al Qaeda plot to get laptops with bombs on to planes…


Trump:  “I never mentioned the word or name Israel.  They’re all saying I did. So you have another story wrong. Never mentioned the word Israel.”


Good to know you never specifically identified Israel…no one ever said you did, though. Denial of an unalleged fact…


Sec. of State Tillerson:  “…they did not discuss sources, methods or military operations.”


Yes…don’t mention that highly classified information was released which was what was alleged…instead deny things that were not alleged. Good misdirection.


National Security Advisor Macmasters:  “At no time—at no time—were intelligence sources or methods discussed.”


Yeah…one would expect you to be adamant about denying something…that no said happened. About releasing highly classified information again—did you answer that, I’m looking through your remarks, I can’t see to find  your answer to the actual allegation…


National Security Advisor McMasters:  “”And the president did not disclose any military operations that were not already publicly disclosed.”


Glad to see you and are Tillerson are on the same page, denying things that no one ever claimed.  Might as well claim that we deny that the president said that the sun did not come up this morning…


So the pattern is this:  The Washington Post (usually) alleges that Trump does something wrong. We’ll call that allegation A. Instead of responding in essence Not A…the response is Not B.  Which would be good except no one ever claimed B…

84.   New York blues


New York City is depressed.  A friend tries to help…


Chicago:  “What’s wrong? I haven't you seen you this depressed since the last scene in Planet of the Apes…”

New York:  “You know, you try to be a good city…we got the Yankees, Wall Street, the Met, the Statue of Liberty, Times Square, Fifth Avenue, the list goes on and on…”

Chicago:  “We all look up to New York.”

New York: “Thanks.  But Trump came from here…and  he is a disaster. I feel guilty.”

Chicago: “Ah, there are always a few bad apples…even in the Big Apple.:

New York:  “You don’t think this threatens our membership in the municipal Hall of Fame?

Chicago:  “Nah…you’re still up there with Paris, London, Rome.  No one cares that Mussolini used to rule Italy, right?

New York:  “Not only that the Knicks are terrible…I thought Phil Jackson would bring back the glory days…”

Chicago:  “Yeah, me too. Apparently he used up his ability to win with a selfish ball-hog.   I feel your pain.  Where have you gone Mi-chael Jor-dan a windy city feels so cold without you…”

New York: “Oh..that’s just wrong, man.”

Chicago:  “Sorry.”

83.  Two sides of a coin…

A dark underground garage in Georgetown.  A reporter meets with a source…

Mcmaster:  “Woodward?”

Greg Miller:  “No, sorry.”

McMaster:  “How about Bernstein?

Miller:  “No I am not him either.”

McMaster:  “I specifically asked for one of those guys.”

Miller: “Unfortunately, they both left the employ of the Washington Post…some time ago.”

McMaster: “You are from the Washington Post at least?”

Miller:  “That’s what my paycheck says.”

McMaster:  “Well…I guess you’ll do.”

Miller:  “Gee..thanks.”

McMaster:  “Ok. So is it agreed that I will not ever be revealed as a source for the information I am about to provide you.”

Miller: “Agreed.”

Mcmaster:  “Anyway..the idiot-in-chief recently revealed highly classified intel that we got from an ally about an ISIS terrorist plot with regard to laptops to the Russian Foreign Minister and ambassador.  He just blabbed it out like it was nothing.”

Miller:  “So this was a serious mistake on his part.”

McMaster: “To give highly sensitive intel obtained from an ally that we were not supposed to share without their approval and just hand it over to the Russians—yeah, that’s a big=time screw-up, even for him."

McMaster relates the rest of the story.

Miller:  “So…shouldn’t we have a code name for you for when we get in contact?"

McMaster:  “Like what.”

Miller:  “I think Deep Throat is already taken..”

McMaster:  “I am not really feeling that one too much, anyway…”

Miller: “Any ideas.”

McMaster:  “Janus.”

Miller:  Why Janus?”

McMaster:  “You’ll soon find out…”

Washington Post (May 15, 7:47 p.m.): —“White House national security advisor H.R. McMaster just emerged from the White House  to declare that the Washington Post story about Trump giving highly classified information to Russia ‘as reported is false.’”

Miller: “Aw..that’s not nice.”



After firing FBI Director Comey, Trump meets with Henry Kissinger…and asks for some advice.


Trump:  “It’s so wonderful to meet with a scion of the foreign policy establishment, Mr. Kissinger.”

Kissinger:  “The pleasure is all mine, Mr. President.:

Trump:  “ I was happy to get your endorsement for president.”

Kissinger:  “I did not endorse you.”

Trump:  “oh….anyway, I thought I would consult with you on a little problem I am having…”

Kissinger:  “Anything I can do to help I’m at your service, Mr. President.”

Trump:  “So…you worked for Nixon when he had that little Watergate problem, right?”

Kissinger: “Yes, I do recall being there during that time period.”

Trump:  “I got this Russia investigation problem.. any insight you can provide me based on how you guys handled Watergate.”

Kissinger:  “Well, not sure it was handled very well..that was not really within my bailiwick, anyway…I’m not sure I can provide any useful insight as

Nixon wound up resigning.”

Trump: “Well, I am thinking of firing everyone.”

Kisssinger:  “I think that was tried…unsuccessfully.”

Trump: : “Do you have any advice?”

Kissinger:  “Any fact that needs to be disclosed should be put out or as quickly as possible, because otherwise the bleeding will not end.”

Trump: “Uh, I don’t think this that is going to work here…anyway, what did you think of my robust military response in Syria?”

Kissinger:  “Our bombing of North Vietnam was a success by comparison.”

Trump: “Oh…by the way, I hear you are still very popular in Chile?”

Kissinger:  “Oh, yes they love me there—I have a standing invitation to the Hotel Uno in Santiago.  It’s a little overcrowded, they have bars in the windows, the food is bad, the sanitation is poor…but otherwise it’s totally 5 star.”

Trump:  “Yeah, you should go…um one final question…you said power is the great aphrodisiac, right?”

Kissinger:  “Yes, I did…quite well in that department when I was Secretary of State…”

Trump:  “You know,..I am not really seeing that same level of success.”

Kissinger:  “Well, you are 70, nominally you are married, and apparently you have…small hands. These are impediments.”

Trump: “Oh.”

81.  Trumpie needs some advice…

A week ago Trump has a telephone conversation with an old friend…

Trump:  “Hey Vlad, I need some help with a big problem.”

Putin:  “A free press getting you down, Trumpie? In Russia you are free to say what you want…and I am free to send you to the Gulag if I don’t like it…”

Trumpy:  “All I can do is say that they are dishonest…wish I could send some people from CNN and MSNBC to the Gulag...Anyway, it’s this

investigation into connections between my campaign and Russia that is the problem..  Comey is nipping at my heels and won’t say he is loyal to me.  Sessions will do anything I say as long as I let him bring back the Confederacy but Comey…he’s self-righteous and always hamming for the cameras. And Sessions had to recuse himself so I have no leverage over the investigation. “

Putin:  “Big problem..well, when you cut off a chicken’s head, the body runs around aimlessly.”

Trump:  “I grew up on Manhattan so I am not familiar-“

Putin:  “It’s a metaphor you Id-…what I mean is that  if you fire Comey the investigation will flounder because there will be no one directing it.  Not only that, it will have a chilling effect because agents will be worried that being too eager about the investigation could get them into trouble as they won’t have protection.”

Trump: “I was advised not to fire Comey because it would look bad.”

Putin:  “You think prison garb will look good on you?"

Trump: “Ok. So we fire Comey.  Then I’ll have to pick someone that is acceptable to everyone."

Putin.: “Yes, but that person will be beholden to you for furthering their career.  And maybe you can find more of a team player thatn Comey.  It will

also take time to get them confirmed and meanwhile nothing big will happen on the case.”

Trump:  “Ok that buys us a few months—what then?”

Putin:  “We need a distraction—something to take people’s mind off of it and have them rally around you."

Trump:  “Like what.”

Putin  “War is good.”

Trump:  “North Korea, maybe?        

Putin:  “I meant a little war--not blow up the whole world! I like sleeping in my dacha instead of a bomb shelter waiting on Jong Un Double Chin to decide my fate!”

Trump:  “ was just  an idea. Speaking of little, how did Assad take my  raid?”

Putin “Uh, he said it was like a mosquito bite.. What’s a few more dead after 350,000?”

Trump:  “Glad he took it well.”

Putin:  “But…he said you’re off his Christmas Card list…By the way, Trumpie,  I need to ask a favor of you related to that.”

Trump:  “Sure.”

Putin: “I need you to meet with the foreign minister and Russian ambassador”

Trump: “Well,ok…but why?”

Putin:  “Propaganda purposes.  Russian people need to see that we’re buddies again.”

Trump: “So what should we talk about?”

Putin:  “Doesn’t matter…just smile a lot.”


78.  On the Brink

A recent missile test by North Korea has heightened tensions between North Korea and the U.S.  President Trump says :”North Korea is a problem.

The problem will be taken care of.” There are reports that US forces will take military action with conventional weapons  if North Korea does a nuclear test.  One theory is that the use of a huge conventional bomb this week in Afghanistan was a warning to North Korea.  And there are concerns that the anniversary birthday of the founder of North Korea Kim Il Sung on April 15, 2017 might be time for a nuclear test or testing of a missile.


North Korean president Kim Jong Un discusses the situation with an advisor…


Kim Jong Un:  “What are the Americans doing? Don’t they know how this works—we threaten, we develop our nuclear program, and then they give us goodies to stop further development.”


Advisor: “Apparently, Trump did not get that memo…or thought to know much about Korean history.”


Kim Jong Un:  “I am not crazy; I don’t want to start a war here.”


Advisor:  “Well…you did  have shot the Minister of Education with an antiaircraft gun because he fell asleep during a meeting you were presiding over.”


Kim Jong Un:  “That was a lack of respect.  First they take a nap while you’re talking…next they’re starting a coup. Besides, how is that a role model for students when the Minister of Education falls asleep during a lecture?”


Advisor:  “What about the Minister of Agriculture being shot for trying to enact agricultural reforms?


Kim Jong Un:  “I have agricultural reforms and they are working—we’re close to growing all of our food.  His reforms were an implicit criticism of me. If you want to criticize..go to South Korea.  Well, if you can make it past the machine guns…”


Advisor:  “Well..perhaps we should be cautious given that Trump is a wild-card?”


Kim Jong Un:  “Cautious? We give in and we’ll be eating only rice at every meal.  Anyway, the Americans have more to lose.  When you play chicken, the person with less to lose has an advantage.”

Advisor:  “You are right as always.”

77.    Putin gets so, so mad at Trump


A recent conversation between friends…


Trump: “Vlad, the dishonest and fake news media keep trying to allege that I have some kind of ties with Russia. It’s drip, drip, drip…It’s like I am being waterboarded. I don’t mind that being done to others, but me I object to.”


Putin: “First, I applaud your use of dishonest and fake news with regard to the press. Keep using it as much as possible to discredit them…as for your Russia problem we need to come up with a distraction.”


Trump:  “Yes, but what?”


Putin:  “We need some kind of blow-up between us so that no one will believe that you had any Russian ties…what about something in Syria?”


Trump:  “I can’t just bomb Syria.  Heck, I practically just said Assad and I are buddies.”


Putin:  “I have a crystal ball…I am seeing Assad do something worse than usual and you have will cause to do something…but not too much—throw a few Tomahawk missiles at a Syrian airbase or something.”


Trump: “I don’t want to know the details.”


Putin: “I will have to get very, very  mad at you Trumpie!


Trump:  “You and 2/3 of my country…”

71. Farmer Smith had a farm.  And on the farm were some very intelligent farm animals.  The pigs included Trimple,  a fat pig who wanted to be leader of the pigs; Clover, an articulate supporter of Trimple; Cushman, Trimple’s young protégé; and Mabao, the current leader of the pigs who Trimple argues should not lead the pigs because he is suspect in that Trimple asserts he was not born on Farmer Smith’s farm.


Trimple makes a deal with Rasputin, leader of the foxes who live in the forest that surrounds the farm and want to raid the hen house to acquire eggs.  Trimple says he will allow Rasputin access to the henhouse but first he must poison Farmer Smith so that the animals can gain control of the farm.  Rasputin is an expert poisoner and Farmer Smith dies as a result of consuming poisoned mutton. Now the farm animals have to run the farm. Elections are held.


Clover:  “every mature farm animal gets one vote.  The two candidates are Trimple and Mabao.  You will get to hear from both candidates.”

Trimple:  “This farm is in terrible shape; we need to make this farm great again.  We have some amazing farm animals here; the cows do an amazing job with the milk supply.”


Cows:  “Hear, hear!


Trimple: “Thanks you. The cows are just some amazing bovinae.  As you know…Mabao is not a legitimate candidate because he cannot prove he was born here. We cannot have foreigners lead us!  Secondly, he is not a strong leader he is not resolute.  He told the skunks if you come on this farm you are in big trouble.  What happened? There was a huge skunk attack and no one could breathe.  And Mabao did nothing.  That was not winning; I know how to win against the skunks.” 


Hens:  “We want to know what are you going to do about protecting us from the foxes who take our eggs?”


Trimple:  “We are going to build… a tremendous wall , a great wall around the henhouse that the foxes will not be able to get across!”


Hens: “We support Trimple!”


Trimple:  “Thank you. You are very kind. By electing me you will make this farm great again.”


Mabao:  “First, I was stamped with a brand from this farm indicating that I was born here just like the rest of you.”


Trimple:  “It’s fake!”

Mabao:  “Trimple is not known for truth…telling.  I am not…the bombastic pig that Trimple is…but I will provide calm, responsible leadership to get this farm on track.  And I believe in equality among farm animals whereas…Trimple believes some farm animals are more equal than others.


Sheep:  “What about us.  We don’t want to have our fleece shaved off and be sold for food, anymore!”


Mabao:  “Well, while I think we can reduce how much this done under the reign of Farmer Smith…I don’t think we can eliminate it altogether.”


Trimple: “You will not lose your fleece…you will not be sold for food. I promise you that.”


Sheep: “We support Trimple! We support Trimple!”


The election is held.  Trimple wins.  A wall is built around the henhouse…but a pig loyal to Trimple lets Rasputin through the gate to get his eggs. The hens are furious.  The sheep are fleeced but say that things would be worse under Mabao…


Trump:  “So, uh, I wanted to get your  views with regard to former National Security Advisor Flynn trying to get immunity with regard to his testimony about contacts between Russia and people working on my campaign or on the transition.

 Putin:  “Let me get this straight:  you’re supposed to give him immunity so that he will testify against you? Democracies are so weird…”

Trump:  “Well…how do you handle such matters in Russia?"

Putin: "In Russia when someone wants to testify against the state…the state immunizes itself against the testimony.”

Trump:  “Really? How is that done?”

Putin:  “Poison.”

Trump:  “oh.”

68.  Stooge


Devin Nunes, chairman of the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence, holds press conference whether he announces that Trump and his associates had been caught up in surveillance by US intelligence sources. How he came about that information becomes a matter of controversy…


The day before Trump and Steve Bannon meet.


Bannon:  “Good news. We have some intelligence reports that there was incidental surveillance of you and your associates as part of surveillance of foreigners. This will help to provide cover for your… as yet unsupported claim that the Trump Tower was wiretapped.”

Trump:  “What do you mean unsupported? If I said it happened, it happened…we just have yet to find the evidence….anyway, so I can tweet out that I have been vindicated, right?

Bannon:  “No…it can’t come originally from us.  That would look like we are cherry-picking through intelligence to support your tweets. That would not look good.  We need some stooge to do this for us…I know, Devin Nunes! He’ll do it for us.”

Trump:  “Devin Nunes? Won’t that compromise the perception of his independence? I mean, he’s not..but he has to look like he is.”

Bannon:  “hmm..good point.  We’ll have to cover our tracks.  We’ll have some NSC staff provide the information to Nunes and he’ll say something like he got it from a source.  Then he holds a press conference to inform the world about it. Then he’ll brief you and then you can tweet about it.”

Trump:  “Amazing…Machiavelli would be so proud of you!”


A phone call is made.


Bannon:  “Nunes? We need you need to do something for us.”

Nunes:  “Anything.”

Bannon:  “Great. Here is what we need you to do (explaining the plan)”

Nunes:  “Ok.  I’ll do it.”


Nunes goes later on Tuesday to the White House where National Security Council senior director for Intelligence Ezra Cohen-Watnick and White House national security lawyer Michael Ellis provide Nunes the intelligence documents.  Nunes holds the press conference the next day talking about the incidental surveillance.


Trump:  “Hey Nunes? You got the documents we gave to you so you could give to us so I could claim that it did not come from us?”

Nunes:  “Yep.  Here they are.”


Nunes on why he had to inform Trump, appearing on Hannity:


Nunes:  “I felt like I had a duty and obligation to tell him, because, as you know, he’s talking a lot of heat in the news media.”


And, finally, when pressed on criticism from Democrats that he is too close to Trump:


Nunes:  “Sounds like that is their problem.”

70. Trump Shake-up


Katie Welsh, deputy chief of staff and Reince Prebius ally, will be sent out to be an advisor to a Pro-Trump nonprofit.  Some reaction from White House officials:

Bannon:  “She’s the vital link that pulls thing together and makes things happen.”

I had to say some bullshit didn’t I? What does that even mean? Anyway, what was vital was that we fire her first, isolate Prebius and then go after him.

Kushner:  “one of the unsung heroes of the campaign.”

The campaign is over—out of here!

Kushner:  “I am very supportive of Katie and the sacrifice she’s making.”

Yep, I support her putting her neck on the chopping block. That’s a big sacrifice…not necessarily a voluntary one.

White House Official:  “Not being fired!”Not fired but…canned,  discharged, relieved of her duties, sacked. Definitely not fired, though!

WH Official:  “[Walsh] has been a tremendous asset to the president.”

That asset has sunk precipitously in value lately…

White House Official:  “Reince is not next. Reince is doing a great job.”

Well…I’m sure we will fire someone else first...then Reince!

63.          Slight miscalculation

In 2020 there is a massive hurricane in South Florida, with torrential rains and flooding.  Trump goes down to tour the area. First stop:  Mar-a-Lago.  He takes along EPA commissioner Pruitt.  The president takes a helicopter to inspect the damage.

Trump:  “Where the heck is it, pilot?”

Pilot:  “ According to GPS it should be directly down there.”

Trump:  “There’s just the ocean down there.”

Pruitt:  “I think I can see the top of the club poking up through the water.”

Trump:  “I thought global warming would not hit for like 500 years, Pruitt.  ”

Pruitt: “Eh, perhaps we made a slight miscalculation…”
Trump:  “What, by 498 years!”



64.          Living on Water is Better!

It’s the year 2080.  A floating city in the Atlantic Ocean.  A father and his son gaze up to a statue commemorating the man the city is named after. The father gives his son a history lesson.

Son:  “So who is the man the statute  is supposed to represent?

Father: “A great man.  Scott Pruitt.  He fought to hasten the melting of the polar ice caps by stopping well-intentioned but mistaken people who were trying to reduce carbon levels.”

Son: “Why is that good.”
Father:  “Life is better with higher carbon levels. Plants thrive. We discovered that live is better living on the sea rather than on land. Scott Pruitt was a genius and understood this.”

Son:  “Wasn’t he heavily criticized at the time.”

Father: “Yes. But he was a man before his time.”

Son:  “Yes..but didn’t hundreds of millions of people die as a result of the rising sea levels in the middle of the 21st Century due in part to anti-climate control policies initiated by Pruitt and the Trump Administration?

Father:  “Sometimes to make an omelette…you need to break a few eggs.”

Son:  “I wonder how the eggs feel about that…”


65.          Press Conference at the White House.

Spicer:  “…Paul Manafort played a very limited role [in he campaign] for a very limited time.”

John Karl from ABC: “But he was the chairman of the campaign!”

Spicer:  “General Flynn was a volunteer on the campaign.”

Flynn: (watching on tv)  Volunteer? What’s next—I interned for the campaign?

The press conference continues…

Reporter: “When you say Paul Manafort played a limited role for a limited time are you describing Manafort…or yourself?”

Spicer:  “Funny..let’s see if I invite you to any more press gaggles.”

Reporter#2:  “Perhaps by limited you meant truth content?

Spicer:  “I can ignore you since you are from the fake new media…”

Reporter#3:  “Flynn was a volunteer? Thought he was a top advisor to the campaign.”

Spicer:  “Look…if anyone from the campaign contacted the Russians then they had little to no influence  in the campaign.”

Reporter:  “Right…and Obama wiretapped Trump Tower. Good one.”

62.  Just the Facts!

White Office of Management and Budget Director Mick Mulvaney defend cuts to Meal on Wheels and programs providing meals to low-income kids because they aren’t showing results.  “They’re supposed to be educational programs, right?” Mulvaney said to reporters. “Guess what? There’s no demonstrable evidence they’re actually doing that. There’s no demonstrable evidence they’re actually helping results, they’re helping kids do better in school.”

The reporters went on to further query Mulvaney…

Reporter: “isn’t it a good thing to feed hungry children? I think I would appreciate it if I were them.”

Mulvaney:  “You don’t expect to be set up in a coach and six, and to be fed on turtle soup and venision, with a gold spoon, as a good many of them do?”

Reporter#2:  “Don’t we have a moral obligation to feed these children that are going to school hungry?

Mulvaney: “There is no proof that it works.  Now what I want is, Facts.  Teach these boys and girls nothing but Facts.  Facts alone are wanted  in this life.  Plant nothing else and root out everything else.”

Reporter#2: “Kids cannot eat facts!

Mulvaney:”I am a man of realities.  A man of calculations.  A man who proceeds upon he principle that two and two are four, and nothing over, and who is not to be talked into allowing anything over…since giving food does not help performance, then food is not provided.”

Reporter#3:  “But what about morality, sir?"

Mulvaney:  “Some persons hold...there is a wisdom of the  Head, and that there is a wisdom of the Heart…not I.”

(with  quotes taken and modified from Thomas Gradgrind in Charles Dickens Hard Times)

61.    No wiretapping?  Prove it!


The Trump Administration sets up a new court to decide factually disputed issues of societal importance.


Bailiff:  “Hear ye. Hear ye.   The Court of Truth is in session.  The honorable Frederick Wapner, presiding.”


Judge Wapner:  “Ok. First case on the docket is the Round Earth Society vs. the Flat Earth Society. " 


Counsel state their appearances.  


Judge Wapner: “Counsel, you may proceed with your case.”


Attorney for Round Earth:  “I’m sorry, I thought you were dead, Judge.”

Judge Wapner:  “Like Lazarus I have been reinstated…proceed.”

Attorney for Round Eartlh:  “I am submitting affidavits from 99.999999999999999% of  scientists that the earth is round not flat.

Judge Wapner:  “hmmm..what say you, Flat Earthers?”

Attorney for Flat Earth:  “Well, we have 1 expert that says it is flat.”

Judge Wapner.: “In Trumpville that is what is known as a tie…my ruling is that there is insufficient proof one way or the another as to whether the earth is flat or round.  Next case, madam clerk.”

Clerk: “The next case Trump v. Obama on the issue as to whether Trump Tower was wiretapped…”  


Counsel state their appearances.  Judge Wapner tells Trump’s attorney to proceed.


Trump’s Attorney:  “First, we wish to argue that when Trump said wiretap what we was referring to was broader surveillance of Trump Tower, not necessarily wiretaps.“ 

Judge Wapner:  “Interesting..and yet wiretapping has a very specific meaning—connecting a listening device to a telephone to listen in on a conversation.  Surveillance has a much broader meaning.  You could perhaps use a more general term like surveillance to include activities like wiretapping, but it would be a very odd use of the English language to use a more particular term like wiretapping to reference a more general term like surveillance and then try to contend that you did not even mean to allege the more particular term at all.  Even in Trumpville..that ain’t flying….you got anything else?

Trump’s Attorney:  “Well we have highly credible, knowledgeable sources that Trump Tower was in fact wiretapped.”

Judge Wapner:  “What did those sources says?”

Obama’s Attorney:  “Objection! Hearsay.”

Judge Wapner:  “Hearsay is not a good objection in this court. Overruled.”

Trump’s Attonrey:  “They say that a FISA warrant was sought and denied but then a more limited warrant was obtained.”

Judge Wapner: (gesturing to Obama’s attorney)  “Your response?

Obama’s Attorney: “Oh, come on.  Trump got this from Breitbart, who got it from Mark Levin.  There are no sources.”

Judge Wapner:  “I might have to rule against he Administration…there is no real evidence before me that Obama wiretapped Trump Tower.”

Trump’s Attorney:  “The burden should be on them to prove that it was not done,not on us to prove that it was!

Obama ’s Attorney:  “How can I prove a negative! It’s impossible.”

Judge Wapner:  “That’s not a good argument, counsel.  Neither one of you can prove your case.  This looks like another inconclusive case….nothing ever seems to be decided one way or the another in Trumpvillle.”

60.  Bannon and Sessions reminisce


Sessions stops by to see Steve Bannon in the White House.

Bannon:  “I am having a drink.  You want one?”

Sessions: “Sure, give me a couple of fingers of that Johnnie Walker you got there.”


Bannon fills out a glass with the alcohol and gives it to Sessions.


Sessions:  “So how are we doing with keeping Western Civilization intact and saving it from the barbarians? Is Trump going to fight for the White race or he is going to chicken out?

Bannon:  “I think he will stick it out…with a little help from me.”

Sessions:  “When I was growing up, negros--I mean blacks-- knew their place, women kept the home and let men take care of business, and we did not even know gays existed. Now, everything is going to hell!”

Bannon: “Well, that is what we are trying to stop.  If we can put a clamp on immigration then the white race will maintain political dominance.”

Sessions:  “Geez, I had to adjust to blacks using the same bathroom and using the same water fountains…now a woman who feels she is a man might come in to my bathroom!

Bannon:  “Yeah, we are going to put a stop to that nonsense.”

Sessions:  “And good luck on getting me to enforce the Voting Rights Act!

Bannon:” Make America Great Again means Make America White Again!

Sessions: “I’ll drink to that! And if we can get in a couple of Supreme Court justices we can get rid of abortion rights and keep women under our thumb…”

Bannon:  “If Trump gets through 8 years we can roll back a bunch of things..."

Sessions:  “Here we come, 1950’s!”

59. Trump gets a pep talk

Trump is depressed.  His travel ban got knocked out by the courts and he had to formulate a new one.  His Obamacare replacement plan is being criticized.  Connections between his campaign and Russia are being investigated and Attorney General Sessions had to recuse himself because he lied about meeting with the Russian ambassador. His tweets about wiretaps by Obama on Trump tower are being criticized for having no evidence to support them…


Trump:  I thought I was going to be president and just make a lot of money.  I am getting criticized all of the time, people are making fun of me…this isn’t fun.  Maybe I should just resign…


Enter Nixon’s ghost.


Nixon’s Ghost:  “So you think you are not making a difference here? I am going to give you a gift—I will show you how the United States would look if you were not president.”
Trump:  “I don’t drink so I don’t think is a hallucination…”

Nixon’s Ghost:  “It’s not a hallucination, idiot.  Ok…so let me show you how the US would look if you checked out…”


A new bustling suburb is shown with new homes, parks, kids playing.


Trump:  “What is this?”

Nixon’s Ghost:  “If Hillary Clinton were elected then workers would have got higher wages, so they could afford to buy houses and allowing for this development..”

Trump:  “Higher labor costs? That’s terrible.”


Nixon then shows two elderly men packing up their belongings.


Trump:  “What’s this, they look familiar…”

Nixon’s Ghost:  “It’s the Koch Brothers.  Hillary Clinton raised taxes on the super-rich, and their net worth declined a few billion dollars. They decided to sell one of their 25 houses…”

Trump: “Oh, my gosh.”


 A school is shown with children of many different races and nationalities playing and studying together.


Trump:  “What is going on?”

Nixon’s Ghost:  “Yes, there was no travel ban, no wholesale deportations.  You are seeing the result—a bunch of happy children of different backgrounds studying together.”

Trump:  “This wasn’t supposed to happen!”

A river with running clean water teeming with fish is seen.

Trump:  "The costs to  business of having that clean water and not being able to dump must have been enormous!"

Nixon's Ghost:  "Yes, without your gutting of EPA regulations this terrible tragedy happened."


A family gathering is seen.  An enormous spread of food is seen and family members are seen drinking champagne.


Trump. “Noooooooo”

Nixon:  “Yes...because you were not president and unethically using your office to make money for the family business,  Trump operations had a downturn and Ivanka was forced to drink Dom Perignon instead of her beloved Cristal…”

Trump:  “I do…make a difference!”

Nixon:  “Yes…now go back in there and fight for the plutocrats!

57.  Trump is Big on Education


Trump:  (Tweet) “We must fix our educational system for our kids to Make America Great Again.  Wonderful day at Saint Andrew in Orlando.”


And then…


Trump:  (Tweet) “I hear by  demand a second investigation, after Schumer, of Pelosi for her close ties to Russia and lying about it.”


Hmm, that doesn’t sound right…


Trump:  (Tweet) “I hearby demand  a second investigation, after Schumer, of Pelosi for her close ties to Russia and lying about it.”


That doesn’t sound right, either….Darn it.  Let me google it…hereby? Really?


Trump:  (Tweet):  “ I hereby demand a second investigation, after Schumer, of Pelosi for her close ties to Russia and lying about  it.”


Without an education there is no chance of getting a good job…


58.  Trump goes nuts


Today, Trump went on Twitter to accuse (without any evidence of course) Obama of wiretapping his phones.  He then posted photos of House .


d. “to invest in women’s health”


You support Planned Parenthood? Glad to hear it…doubt it but glad to hear it. Oh and your executive order  mandating that recipients of USAID cannot carry out or promote abortions is reducing funding for International Planned Parenthood. Foreigners, right?


e. Trump has 1 trillion infrastructure plan, corporate and middle class tax cuts,  54 billion dollars in increased military spending.


Looking in the speech for how all this would get funded….I’m sure it’s there somewhere.


f. “I have ordered the Department of Homeland Security to create an office to serve American victims [of crimes committed by illegal immigrants].”


Oh that just promotes all kinds of warm and fuzzy feelings towards immigrant communities when crimes committed by illegal immigrants—which is going to happen though there is no evidence that illegal immigrants commit crimes at higher rates than average; in fact the available evidence indicates a lower crime rate— gets highlighted like this.  No need for Fox News to do it anymore!

50.    Friendly chat


Former President Bush criticizes Trump for his policies on immigration, criticism of the press, and relationship with Russia.


Trump:  “Plastic Man get in here.”

Reince:  “Yes, Mr President.”

Trump:  “Did you see this interview of former President George W. Bush by Matt Lauer? First I had to deal with ’low-energy’ Jeb—now I get criticized by George W. Bush who is low…everything.” Please get him on the line.”


Reince gets the former president on the line.


Bush: “Well, I want to congratulate you on your—“

Trump:  “Never mind that.  What’s with your criticism of me on the Today Show.”

Bush:  “I felt I had to speak out because you are taking the country in the wrong direction.”

Trump:  “Really…speaking  of taking the country in the wrong direction…what you were doing on 9-11,  when no WMD were found in Iraq but we still invaded, when budget deficits skyrocketed from 2001-2009 and the Financial Crisis…oh yeah, you were the president.”

Bush:  “I kept the country safe.  Now you are declaring war on Islam—that’s not the way to do it, we need Muslims to be our allies.  You cant’t just ban Muslims from coming to our country."

Trump:  “Maybe if you had put in  a ban a certain 19 Muslims wouldn’t have it made into our country to carry out 9-11.Or maybe if you had done something after that briefing indicating Bin Laden determined to strike in U.S. the  attack would have been stopped."

Bush:  “That’s  not the way our country works.  We have a Constitution—you might want to read it to read some time. No one  could have stopped 9—11—that’s Morning Morning Quarterbacking.  And calling the press the enemy is over the top.”

Trump:  “I love the First Amendment. I tell you, no one supports the Freedom of the Press more than me.  But they keep lying to the American people about me.  You were viciously criticized by the media—you of all people should understand this.”

Bush:  “Yes I though some of the criticism was unfair… but as president you got to put on your big-boy pants, not be that sensitive  and just do what you think is best.  Muzzling the press is what dictators do.”

Trump:  “I am not muzzling the press…I am just pushing back. They are biased against me.  By the way,  I am upgrading your puny little fence on the Mexican border  and putting in a wall."

Bush:  “Again I don’t think that is welcoming…we have to secure the border—that’s why we put in a lot of fencing—but your actions seem hostile to Mexicans." 

Trump:  “Yeah, some great fence…you can either climb over it or go around it.  I am a builder…I know how to build…we’ll build a wall that people can’t go over or around.”

Bush: “Well…hopefully you are better at building walls than running casinos or  investing in real estate if the 916 million you lost is any indication…

Trump:  “I still made money…I am very, very smart.”

Bush:  “Unfortunately, as president you don’t get to shift the effect of bad decisions on to banks or shareholders."

Trump:  “By the way, you said in 2009 that Obama deserved your silence.  Why don’t I deserve the same treatment.”

Bush:  “He did, you don’t. (laughing) You’re so bad that the liberals are starting to like me.  AIn’t that a kick! Or maybe it’s not you but Bannon running things!"

Trump: “What! I make all of the decisions around here. I seem to recall seeing strings running from your shoulders to Vice-President Cheney.”

Bush:  “Big Time? I let him think he was running the show but I had the power.”

Trump:  “So whose idea was it to use torture—you or Cheney?”

Bush:  “ Probably Cheney.  The man seems to lack normal human empathy….But everyone was convinced it was necessary.  You seem to be a big fan….”

Trump:  “Mattis won’t let me to do it.  But I am thinking of sending tapes of Dr. Ben Carson talking to Guantanamo…I am sure that will get the toughest terrorist to talk if they play that 24/7! By the way, I saw you picked up painting…what are you Churchill?”

Bush:  “It relaxes me…you might to think of  doing something relaxing like that so you don’t get up at 3:00 a.m. in the morning to attack people. That ain’t good, man.”

Trump:  “What?  I am  a nice guy…by the way, speaking of nice guys why are you giving me a hard time about Putin? I have got no relationship with him.”

Bush:  “I don’t know that.  When I was president I lectured Mr. Putin on having a free press."

Trump:  “How did that work out for you?

Bush:  “Well, at least he was so worried about us interfering in his country that he did not have time to interfere in ours.”

Trump: “Anyway, not that we got the pleasantries out of the way…you coming to Mar Largo this weekend for some golf?

Bush:  “Yep.  My golf swing is looking good…”

49.    Rino and Bannin’ are buddies…


Reince Prebius and Steve Bannon try to counter the misconception that they are at war with each other...


Bannin’:  (talking to New York Magazine):  “Reince is giving me my daily back rub…”

Rinoplastic:  Actually, that was me trying to shake you by the neck for saying something particularly stupid and you got your hand up in time…good spin though.  And we also told the magazine that it was joint back rubs, but the only thing you  did with regard to my back was stab it—with that Breitbart hit piece...

Bannin’: (at CPAC) “I can run a little hot; Reince is always steady.”

Bannin’: Steady=mediocre.

Rinoplastic:  “Let’s not kid ourselves—I can talk about data and ground game, and Steven can talk about big ideas…"

Rino:  Translation:  The man is fucking clueless when it comes to actually, you know, running the  government...


Bannin (in an email) said that Breibart article saying Rinoplastic was the cause of internal disarray was “absurd”.

Bannon:  Actually, it was pretty much right on target!

Riinoplastic: Sure, a hit piece from the website you used to run did not come from you or your white nationalist buddies…  What do you think I am --stupid…?well, actually you do think I am stupid but I can use that to my advantage.  By the way, that was a great roll-out on the immigration ban, baby! We’ll see who crosses whom off of their respective lists…

Riinoplastic: (at CPAC):  “I cherish his friendship.”

It was seriously tough to overcome the gag reflex there…the things I do to stay in power.

48.    Shopping for the right report

Trump Administration seeks to bolster case that Muslims from 7 countries that were part of travel ban have carried out terrorist attacks in United States. Trump meets with the John Kelly, the head of Homeland Security .

Trump:  “As you know…those so-called judges from the 9th Circuit—which always get overturned because they are always wrong—prevented me from imposing a travel ban on dangerous terrorists coming from 7 countries. They want ‘evidence’.  So get me some evidence.”

Kelly:  “Yes,  Mr. President."


Mr. Kelly calls the president a few days later..


Mr. Kelly: “ Mr President, we had our out in-house intelligence agency—the Office of Intelligence and Analysis—look at it and they don’t think basing a ban on nationality is a good idea.”


Trump:  “What! I asked you to get evidence to support the ban, not send me one  prepared by ampac.  Kill that report!"


Kelly: “Yes, Mr. President."


Trump and Bannon meet regarding the issue.


Trump: “When Bush wanted to invade Iraq he got the intelligence agencies to play ball.  Now  Homeland Security prepares a report that is against the ban.This is very bad!”


Bannon:  ‘Well, we’ll say that report was not properly done because it did not consider other sources of intelligence.  So it was not a proper report. That’s what my contacts in the DHS say we should do. Next, we need to have different agencies prepare different reports and we’ll go with the best one.  And finally we need to expand the definition of what a terrorist act is.  Not just people being killed, but wounded, or those who plotted attacks or tried to join or provided material support for a terrorist group.”


The DOJ and Office of Director of National Intelligence  are tasked with preparing intelligence reports.  The I&A report is found not to meet standards by the DHS as it did not use intelligence from other intelligence from other agencies, specifically the FBI.  


Kelly speaks with the President by phone again.


Kelly: “Even under the expanded definition of a terrorist attack we’re not coming up that with many people from the 7 countries involved in terrorism.”


Trump:  “You can’t just make up something up…sorry, kidding… I find that useful, though…let me get Bannon in here.”

Bannon:  “Yes, Mr. president?”

Trump:  “Kelly says we’re not getting enough hits even with your expanded definition of terrorism.”

Bannon:  “ about people that have been influenced by terrorism. All friends and family to like the 3rd degree of people who have links to terrorism….or at least visited a Muslim website we don’t like."

Kelly: “Yeah, that might work.”


47.    I know of what I speak…


Today at CPAC Trump denounced the media’s use of unnamed sources.  “saying if they don’t name the sources they don’t exist.”  There is abundant evidence to support Trump’s claim about the dangers of using unnamed sources…


Trump (Twitter). August 6, 2012—“An extremely credible source has called my office and told me that Barack Obama’s birth certificate is a fraud.”

Trump (CPAC today)— “I have a friend, he’s a very , very substantial guy, he loves the city of lights. He loves Paris…and I said, Jim, let me ask you a question, how’s Paris doing? I don’t go there anymore. Paris is no longer Paris.”

Trump (referencing National Enquirer Story which relied on  supposed top D.C. insiders)—“His father [Ted Cruz’s father] was with Lee Harvey Oswald prior to [Kennedy] being, you know, shot.”

Trump:  “Many people are saying that the Iranians killed the scientist who helped the  U.S. because of Hillary Clinton’s hacked emails.”


Bob Woodward (watching CPAC):  I wonder why a president would be worried about unnamed sources.  Oh yeah, Nixon probably was not fond of Deep Throat, either…

46. It’s a laugher alright


Trump arranges a meeting with Arthur Laffer, a tax expert who theorizes that when you lower tax rates there is no net loss of tax revenue because of increased economic productivity. Trump wants to discuss his tax plan with the tax guru


Trump:  “Rino—I mean, Reince can you show Mr. Laffer in.  I need to discuss my tax plan with him.”

Rhinoplastic:  God I hate that nickname! Bannon, when you least expect it…


Mr Laffer is shown in.

Laffer:  “Good morning, Mr. President.”

Trump:  “Good morning. Great to meet the tax expert at last.  Your ideas on taxes are just wonderful  so terrific.  I think we can do great things with my tax plan with your help.”

Laffer: “I have seen the outline of your tax plan and I think it will be great for economic growth.All those tax cuts for the wealthy and business—it just warms my heart.”

Trump: “Thank you.  So your ideas were tried out during the Reagan Administration?

Laffer:  “Yes, I was flattered by that.”

Trump:  “How did that go.”

Laffer: “Well, there was some good economic growth but deficits increased massively.”

Trump: “So tax cuts did not pay for themselves.?

Laffer:  “Uh, no. Not in that instance.”

Trump: “Hmm…well, what about Kansas didn’t they try out your ideas, too?”

Laffer:  “Well…economic growth is lagging below the national rate, jobs are stagnating, and deficits are skyrocketing…”

Trump:  “Oh…so it didn’t work there either.”

Laffer:  “Sure, it worked—the rich got richer.  Who cares about deficits—that was just a theory to get tax cuts passed!”

Trump:  “Terrific. Just like I tell Kellyanne… ‘plausible reality’.  I had to yank her from TV because people could see her hand when she was trying to hide the ball—saying alternative facts, full confidence in Flynn. Even the idiots out there could see that.”

Laffer:  “Even the some of the people that P.T. Barnum said you could fool all of the time could see that.”

Trump:  “If I understand you then…correct me if I’m wrong…you have no real-world evidence to support your theory. In fact…the evidence is against you!”

Laffer: “Yes…but I have made a lot of money spouting my bs, your forgot that!”

Trump: “We don’t need no stinking evidence, right!”

Laffer:  “Right. I have to say I thought it was so great that you got rid of that regulation that protected waterways  from coal mining dumping and then to top it off giving the pen that you signed the bill to seven miners to fight over.  Allowing businesses to impose negative externalities on the public…the symbolism of workers fighting over scraps….it brought tears to my eyes. The rich are not being forgotten!”

Trump:  “Yes, that was wonderful.”


45.  Uneven Playing Field


Reince Prebius, Steve Bannon, , Sean Spicer, and Kellyanne Conway are invited to the private quarters of the West Wing. They join President Trump and Ivanka Trump


Trump:  “So I invited you are here…to play Monopoly. I assume you all have played the game before.”

Everyone:  “Yes, yeah, sort of, yep…”

Trump:  “Ok. I Ivanka is the banker.  I get the race car. You will note that instead of Park Place and Boardwalk there are Trump Tower and Trump Park Avenue. There are a few other rules changes that we will discuss as we go along…”


Game proceeds. At some point, Spicer lands on Trump Park  Avenue.


Spicer:  “Ok. I want to to buy Trump Park Avenue.”

Trump:  “That is one of the rules changes; I get first dibs at Trump Park Avenue and Trump Tower. Hand it over.”

Ivanka:  “Your turn, Dad.


Trump lands on Income Tax.  


Trump: “Ok.  Kellyanne your turn.”

Kellayanne: “Shoudn’t you have to pay income tax.”

Trump:  “I never pay income tax.”


Game proceeds.  Ivanka lands in jail


Trump:  “I am issuing a presidential pardon to get Ivanka out of jail.


Game continues. Bannon gets the green properties and puts houses on them. Trump lands on  Pennsylvania avenue. 


Bannon:  “Aha. I have three houses. That will cost you, $1,000."

Trump: “That’s terrific. Unfortunately, my organization is going through bankruptcy chapter 11 and I am to pay unable to pay you anything. I get one bankruptcy reorganization per time going around the board.”


Spicer:  “Any other rules changes that we should know about?

Trump: “As a matter of yes—you own all of the railroads   I have a right to nationalize them. Hand them over. I’ll pay  the listed value, like eminent domain.”


Shockingly, Trump winds up winning the game.


Kellyanne Conway:   “This game does not seem particularly fair.”

Trump:  “And life is? I always stack the odds in my favor.”

Spicer:  “Do you always win?”

Trump:  “I let Ivanka win sometimes…”

43.    Propaganda Department


Trump and Bannon meet to discuss happenings with regard to White House propaganda/messaging.


Trump:  “Bannin’ what we are going to do with getting out our message on the news shows? Conair has been compromised, they won’t even talk to her.  And Chris Wallace just wiped the floor with Rinoplastic today.  I’m out of liars to choose from…”

Bannon: “Well, I could do the shows.”

Trump:  “Nah, you scare people.  They’ll start locking their doors and looking out for armed men in uniform.”

Bannon:  “Like your channeling of George Orwell went over well…did you have to say the press was the enemy of the people?”

Trump:  “To my base the liberal press is the enemy.”

Bannon:  “Whatever…so let me put out an ad.  Wanted;  Looking for amoral conservative, smooth liar, good flatterer,  telogenic, able to easily duck questions, able to turn facts into fiction and fiction into facts.  Needed for high profile public relations job…”

Trump:  “I am sure we will find a wonderful person.  But what we are going to do about Conair?”

Bannon:  “She is your counselor…can’t she just counsel?”

Trump: “I don’t take advice…and her job was to con other people, not con me.”

Bannon:  “Well, Reince is already manning the phones…can she make coffee?”

Trump:  “Nah, she would burn water…and she is too old for me to grab. .“

Bannon:  “Ok. I’ll think on it.  Next :  deportation.”

Trump:  “Did the press fall for that 100,000 National Guard call-up red herring you put in that memo?”

Bannon: “Yeah, we threw out that red meat and they forgot about the other stuff  in the memo.

Trump: “Ha! Ha! Stupid liberals…”

Bannon:  “Yep.”

42.    Naming Ceremony


Trump, Ivanka and Jared Kushner gather for a very important meeting…


Trump:  “So let’s get on with it…what are our code names for important people in my Administration…"

Ivanka:   “Let’s start with Rex Tillerson…did we agree on Mr. Plainview for him?"

Trump and Kashner:   “Agreed.”

Ivanka: "Press Secretary Spicer is Mrs. Doubtfire?"

Trump:  "Correct."
Ivanka:  “Next is Reince Prebius…”

Trump:  “I like your idea of Rinoplastic—big nose, republican in name only, can form himself into different shapes depending on the audience…"

Ivanka.: “Ok. Then  Kellyanne Conway…”

Trump:  “That one is easy…Conair—she cons people with a lot of hot air…”

Ivanka:  “Alright…Nikki Haley.”
Trump:  “Pocahontas.”

Ivanka:  “Dad..she is not that kind of Indian!

Trump:  “Close enough for government work…next?

Ivanka: "Steve Mnuchin….Treasure Secretary.  I think we all agreed on Mr. Potter, correct?”

Kushner & Trump:  “Agreed.”

Ivanka: “Ok let me see…Ben Carson, HUD?"

Trump:  “Easy…Mr. Rogers.”

Ivanka & Kushner:  “Agreed.”

Ivanka:  "Betsy DeVos, Education Secretary?"

Kushner:  “Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe."

Trump & Ivanka:  “Agreed.”

Ivanka:  Jeff Sessions, Attorney General? I think we agreed on Jefferson Davis because he wants to bring back the Old South…”

Ivanka:  “Secretary of Defense Mattis already has “Mad Dog”…how about Steve Bannon?”

Trump:  “He is Bannin’ Bannon.”

Kushner: “How about Wormtongue, instead?”

Trump:  “No…I don’t like that one for some reason.”

Ivanka:  “Bannin’ Bannon it is. And Perry from Energy is already the Texas Turnip.  How about our code names?”

’Trump:  “I’m the Emperor, you’re Princess Leia, and Kush is Hans Solo.”

Ivanka: “But the Emperor is not on the same side as Princess Leia and Hans Solo.”

Trump:  “I’m bad, you’re good, and Kush is, eh, somewhere in the middle…”


30.    The “Official” Phone call 


Trump calls a number of foreign leaders to introduce himself..


Trump: “ Good morning Mr. Putin!  It’s good to finally talk with you.”

Putin:  “No more Vlad? I thought we were friends. And we just talked yesterday.  What does this mean?”

Trump: “Those are not official phone calls. No one knows about those other phone calls.”

Putin:  “Ah, I should pretend that I don’t know you. I got it.”

Trump:  “Exactly.  This is our introductory phone call.”

Putin: “But we already talked about the stuff we need to talk about. So what are we going to talk about now?”

Trump:  “I don’t know…the Super Bowl.”

Putin:  “Democracies are so tiresome…when you control the press no need to go through these —how you say—hoops. “

Trump: “We are floating a meme that the media is the Opposition Party.”

Putin: ‘Well…that’s a start. Better to not even allow the Opposite Party…” 

Trump:  “There is freedom of the press here.

Putin: “And you have to deal with a Congress and the filibuster and an independent judiciary…It’s enough to give a dictator heartburn!”

Trump:  “Yes, I have a lot of problems you don’t have to deal with, Vlad!”

Putin:  “Don’t worry I’ll make you a proper authoritarian, Trumpie!”

Trump:  “I do have the executive order.  Bannon calls it the new ukase…”

Putin:  “So what fake topic will we tell the press that we discussed in our fake introductory phone call?"

Trump: “Well, I can say I made fun of your 2015 calendar, the shirtless horse-riding one."




Putin: “That is no joke. Wars have been started over lesser insults.”

Trump: “What.  Sorry, I was just joking.”

Putin:  “Ha, Got you—you thought I was serious! But seriously no more jokes about that.”

Trump:  “Understood.”

Putin:  “Or else I am going after your hair!”

Trump:  “You have a great sense of humor, Vlad!

Putin:  “I am very misunderstood.”

18.  Not a fan


Obama listens to Trump’s Inauguration speech..


Trump: “Every four years, we gather on these steps to carry out the orderly and peaceful transfer of power…”

Obama: (thinking) From suave to sleazy in 60 seconds.

Trump:  “…We are transferring power from Washington, D.C. and giving it back to you, the people.”

Obama:  insert billionaires instead of people there.

Trump:  “You came by the tens of millions…”

Obama:  Tens of millions? Closer to ten.  There are more people at my church service.

Trump:  “This American carnage stops right here and steps right now.”

Obama:  Carnage?! I came in here  with the country on the verge of economic collapse and left with the economy growing 3.5% last quarter, unemployment  is under 5%,  the deficit  is under control, got us out of two foreign wars while not sustaining any major terrorist attacks.   @%!&&@.  I gave you a Jag, don’t turn  it  into a Yugo…

Trump:  “while allowing for the very sad depletion of our military.”

Obama:  What! We spent 600 million on our military last year.   That’s more money combined than countries 2-8 (China, Saudia Arabia, Russia, United Kingdom, India, France, and Japan).  It took all my self-control not to kick Putin’s ass

Trump:  “We’ve defended other nations’ borders while refusing to defend our own.”

Obama:  Yeah, we know you don’t like the brown people, white cracker.

Trump:  “The wealth of our middle class has been ripped from their homes and then redistributed all across the world.”

Obama: Are you on drugs! What the hell are you talking about.?  That 916 million bullshit tax write-off,  now that was redistribution.  I should have gone Nixonesque and had the IRS force you to pay some damn taxes!

Trump:  “We stand at the birth of a new millennium…”

Obama: Apparently, you have been asleep for the last 17 years moron….

Trump:  “Together we will make America strong again. We will make America wealthy again.  We will make American proud again. We will make America safe again, And yes, together, we will make America great again.”

OBama:  You mess with my legacy and I am going to have to go medieval  on you!






bottom of page